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Dennis Schwartz’s “Fails to Generate” Fails on Every Level

In response to Dennis Schwartz’s 507‑word review of The Counselor on Ozus' World Movie Reviews 

http://www.sover.net/~ozus/counselor.html

By Rochus Pomponius, Adjunct Critic

Dennis Schwartz takes terrible reviewing to an Olympic level in “Fails to generate a feeling that we are seeing something that means much.”

Fails to Generate is such a horrifying monument to dreadfulness that it’s difficult to know where to begin criticizing it.

Hows this? Schwartz has run-on sentences that could win marathons and some that sound like they were copied from the padded walls of a mental institution. It’s as if Schwartz can’t be bothered to check the first part of his sentence to make sure it has anything whatsoever to do with the second part.

The only thing more grotesque than the prose is the look of the thing. Quasimodo saw it and had to look away in disgust. It’s been shown in clinical trials to make blind children cry and sighted children vomit. Being a relic is one thing, but scientists are now pretty confident that this site alone is what killed off the dinosaurs.  That’s all true.

There appears to be something resembling critique here, but it’s so hopelessly lost in mind-numbingly impenetrable muck that the search party has given up and gone home.

There’s only one thing left to do with this carcass: leave it for the vultures.    

Quality of Writing Quality of Argument Spoiler Avoidance Presentation

Rochus Pomponius joins the Existimatum staff after a celebrated career as a court jester and the personal entertainer of Emperor Trajan. His studies in rhetoric inform his assessments.