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Kristian Harloff’s “Gravity Review (By the Schmoes)” Delivers Schmoe

In response to Kristian Harloff’s 259‑word review of Gravity on Schmoes Know 

http://schmoesknow.com/gravity-review-by-the-schmoes/

By Marcus Julianus, Associate Critic

Kristian Harloff’s “Gravity review (by the Schmoes)” is designed solely for a Schmoeville audience—stupid and obnoxious. Upon arriving at “Schmoeville,” the reader will notice two giant Schmoe heads and other Schmoely weird Schmoeznit, making this review full of unabashed idiocy in remarkably few words.

Evidently, the Schmoes want the reader to watch the over seven minute long youtube video, but doing so is an absurd waste of time filled with so much inanity that it may cause reader delirium and eventually—catatonia.

Sadly, lovers of edgy material will not even find this review pleasing, because Harloff (and his fellow Schmoes?) simply praise Gravity in true Hollywood lemming style, praising celebrity fetishism with very dark blinders.

While it appears Harloff can spell, he talks at readers rather than to them, making his fluff a horrible affront to anyone who enjoys thinking. In the end, Harloff doesn’t even know how to spell the director’s name correctly.

The fact that these Schmoes have a Schmoe following is a disturbing example that the world may be headed toward a massive cultural disease spread by low-IQ disaster zones via the internet. Avoid this ridiculously short non-movie-review blurb Schmoezy thingy of Schmoely minimalism—unless, of course, you’re a Schmoe too.    

Quality of Writing Quality of Argument Spoiler Avoidance Presentation

Marcus Julianus was born and raised in Byzantium, where he spent his youth herding goats and making cheese. As a gatekeeper of the review world, Marcus offers his background in poetry and drama to opine on the work of the film critics.