Colin Covert Talks All the Latest Hairstyles in “Boatload Baffler”
By Rochus Pomponius, Adjunct Critic
Hair stylists will be pleased with the latest effort from Colin Covert, “Counselor has talent by the buttload, but is a baffler.” The critic is so good at describing hair and making observations that one might believe a hairstylist has stepped in to review. After all—anyone can describe a film, right?
Once Covert is done with the three introductory paragraphs of hair analysis, Boatload Baffler rambles on about not understanding the film and offers statements such as “I throw my hands up” and “I scarcely understand it in either form.” The reader will surely be mesmerized by Covert’s biting commentary, although it is a tiny bit hilarious in its bewilderment.
Readers will find brief moments of glory in Boatload Baffler, as Covert’s submission moves beyond frustrating, and becomes more like a drinking game. Vague character statement? “A shady, flamboyant guy“—drink!
The majority of Boatload Baffler consists of Covert describing characters and scenes, which is the classic anti-critique. One will likely read on for laughs, which is a small victory for the critic. Why not embrace the failure to give enough effort to provide an original critique? Covert wins in that regard, and he wins big. The audience shall weep due to pure horror and high comedy.