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Paul Chambers’s “Movie Review: Gravity,” Unquestionably Among the Worst

In response to Paul Chambers’s 189‑word review of Gravity on Movie Chambers 

http://www.moviechambers.com/2013/09/28/movie-review-gravity/

By Eugenius Antonius, Senior Critic

In his “Movie Review: Gravity,” it’s in fact unclear whether Paul Chambers has seen the film he claims to be reviewing, as the only details he offers are matters of fact in this miniature mockery of the form.

Chambers offers 189 words in an endorsement that can’t even be called a “review” in the conventional sense (or really, in any meaningful sense whatever). He betrays eager readers, offering as a consolation an “audio version” of the slapdash summary.  

There’s no kind way of saying that this is the sort of perfunctory pronouncement that turns audiences away from the written review in the first place. It’s the emaciated cousin of the piggish long-form review.

What’s not mere summary in the review is a reflection on Chambers. It’s self-referential doggerel that doesn’t stand up to the artistry on full display this Gravity season. Readers would be better off haphazardly calling up nearly any other review—odds are they’re in for a better ride.

As regards the visuals, here they’re nonexistent. Nothing about the review is attractive or pleasant.  

On the positive, Movie Review: Gravity is so brief that including spoilers would have been impossible.

In terms of artistry, Movie Review: Gravity simply doesn’t chart. It’s an aggressively offensive bit of a thing that impresses only in its ability to frustrate. Audiences won’t find it worth the three seconds it’ll take them to read top to bottom.    

Quality of Writing Quality of Argument Spoiler Avoidance Presentation

A Roman native, Eugenius Antonius is a decorated scholar and academic. Having graced the School of Athens and the Library of Alexandria, his analytical eye pierces even the most robust film criticism.