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Andrea Gronvall’s “Prisoners” Is Itty Bitty Nonsense

In response to Andrea Gronvall’s 108‑word review of Prisoners on Chicago Reader

By ,

Andrea Gronvall’s “Prisoners” is so teeny-tiny-ittty-bitty-not-really-a-review-it’s-so-little-bitty-teeny tiny the reader can rest completely assured this is in no way a movie review.

Gronvall engages in the theme of excruciating brevity with the devotion of an ascetic monk. The future movie watcher steps out onto the ledge of Gronvall’s review, expecting some modicum of genuine information, but then falls to the ground, realizing that the review was unworthy of clicking on in the first place.

This is the verbal equivalent of torturous summary that doesn’t even satiate the hunger of the most mainstream reader who craves instant gratification.

Gronvall writes this as though she must keep all of her words locked in a dark basement somewhere, lest she desperately need them for survival. She’s like the baby reviewer who forgot what she needed to do. Either that, or Chicago Reader never had any intention of presenting a review of Prisoners.

The reader wonders if this review is an experimental provocation to deter readers from ever attempting to read a review again. While Gronvall squeezes out a single opinion about the film, she never dares to tell the reader why. The review doesn’t leave any loose ends, but then, it never had a weave to work from.    

Quality of Writing Quality of Argument Spoiler Avoidance Presentation