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Pais’ “Escape Plan’ Review: You Will Not Believe This” Is Unbelievable

In response to Matt Pais’s 369‑word review of Escape Plan on RedEye 

http://www.redeyechicago.com/entertainment/movies/redeye-escape-plan-review-20131011,0,842915.column

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Matt Pais’ “Escape Plan’ review: You will not believe this” starts with a question, and that’s about the most shocking thing in it.

Pais may be getting bored with standard review structures and decided to jazz it up with a point form book report style that shows his disdain for the film, its plot, and its acting. His gag that the plot is the same as Jurrassic Park, but from the POV of the dinos? Classic Pais!

In rare form, Pais uses 369 words to jab the hell out of this film for the pleasure of any and all readers. Raptor jokes? Got ‘em! Pimp slap comparison where Con Air comes up smelling like roses? Yup! Disdain for the barely passable acting of guest star 50 Cent, who might very well win the Academy Award for best supporting actor in a scene with waterboarding? You know it!

Granted, Pais has easy pickings. An action film with two has-been 80s titans of testosterone? All Pais needed was Carrot Top to show up and this might be the easiest pickings of hatchet jobs in the world.

If anything, Pais doesn’t go far enough. There’s no final thundering knockout blow to the review, and he ends instead with a weak gag about common sense being funny in awful movies. For a review that came out swinging, it ends pretty sour.    

Quality of Writing Quality of Argument Spoiler Avoidance Presentation