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Dennis Schwartz’s “Might Have Worked” May Test Your Sanity

In response to Dennis Schwartz’s 846‑word review of Ender’s Game on Ozus' World Movie Reviews

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Dennis Schwartz’s “Might have worked as a clever thought-provoking read, on film it’s a drag” almost reaches that rare stratosphere of awfulness where it laps itself and morphs into something good, something even hilarious.

Or, as H. L. Mencken put it, “It is so bad that a kind of grandeur creeps into it.” If dreadfulness can become grandeur, than Schwartz’s review of Ender’s Game is a work of magnificence the breadth of which has never been seen before in the world of film criticism.

Schwartz’s sentences go on for ages, seemingly oblivious to their incoherence, happy to aimlessly meander until the end of time (or until Schwartz finds the period key on his keyboard, whichever comes first). This is hardly even writing; it’s a series of keystrokes that merge to form hideously deformed monsters that emerge out of the primordial sludge like so many evolutionary mistakes.

The critiques are laughably unintelligible to anyone who would try to parse them (with the possible exception of the criminally insane).

Sometimes a well designed website can dress up the proceedings like lipstick on a pig, but Ozus’ World Movie Reviews has instead slapped a Halloween mask on said pig with a site so hideous it must be seen to be believed.

If you are a glutton for punishment, or you are that special someone who can find the humor in all this, head on over, but be warned: great men have tried and failed.    

Quality of Writing Quality of Argument Spoiler Avoidance Presentation