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Jordan Hoffman Is the Anthony Crispino of Criticism in “The Desolation”

In response to Jordan Hoffman’s 622‑word review of The Hobbit: The Desolation Of Smaug on ScreenCrush

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The horror…the horror. “So, uh, did you hear about that horror?” Jordan Hoffman’s Johnny-from-the-block style in his latest piece, “The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug Review,“is comparable to Bobby Moynihan’s confused Bobby Crispino from Saturday Night Live. Hoffman saw something—that much we know—but his manner of communication is inscrutable.

Hoffman will likely feel the wrath of of LOTR nuts due to his mighty proclamation that Hobbit films “are not real movies.” Surely, everyone involved with the production will appreciate the critic’s snobbery.

The critic proceeds to take an uppity stance with dressed-up writing in The Desolation only to later offer gems like “there’s also some cool, gross action with giant spiders, but, I tell yah, in between it’s a rough, dull slog.” Is Hoffman a connoisseur or just another nerd? It’s difficult to tell, but he certainly did not like film.

We all know what happens when the modern critic doesn’t enjoy the latest flick—it’s comedy time, it’s half-day Friday time and it is most certainly not critique time.

Listen—Hoffman will tell you that there is indeed a dragon named Smaug in the film (“the coolest movie dragon ever”), and also a big action sequence, but a character such as Bilbo, yes the lead, is never mentioned.

The Desolation is rough stuff.    

Quality of Writing Quality of Argument Spoiler Avoidance Presentation