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Gabe Toro’s “Review: ‘Escape Plan’…” Is Merciless

In response to Gabe Toro’s 1238‑word review of Escape Plan on The Playlist

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Need a dose of fun disdain and anger? Check out Gabe Toro’s “ Review: ‘Escape Plan’ Starring Sylvester Stallone And Arnold Schwarzenegger.” Its two fisted anger at its subject matter is more fun than the film itself (or so Toro would have people believe.)  

There’s the customary lament that it isn’t 1988, and thus the film isn’t the splash it could be. The stabs at the two leads’ recent junkfests serve as the predictable segway into the obligatory disdain for 50 Cent.

The actors then get the once over. Stallone is accused of being too Stallone, unable to summon the depth of his previous wooden performances. Even quality actors like Vincent D’Onforio can’t dodge Toro’s scorn.

But things get sloppy. Edits are compared to messy sandwiches. The action is slow. The dialogue casual. Toro screams at the film to recognize the age of the actors, but when they can’t move or talk like they did over twenty years ago? Toro slaps them for being what they are: old.

With such a dichotomy, the film has no chances of winning anything but the ceremonial role of being Toro’s personal punching bag. As he beats it to a pulp, though, it manages to rise “from abysmal to almost-mediocre” and the review now takes the shape of a bully beating up someone smaller than him.

And that doesn’t make for great reading.    

Quality of Writing Quality of Argument Spoiler Avoidance Presentation