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Violet Lucca’s “Review: Ender’s Game” Is a Spoiler-Filled Minefield

In response to Violet Lucca’s 711‑word review of Ender’s Game on Film Comment Magazine

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In an effort to not sugar coat this turd, Violet Lucca’s “Review: Ender’s Game” doesn’t belong on the internet it should be in a disused cesspool.  A spoiler alert would essentially negate this review from existence (which wouldn’t be a bad thing) and spare humanity the indignity of reading this garbage.

So much for caring about preserving the story or any of the secrets a film has in store for its audience. If Robin were here he would exclaim something along the lines of “Holy spoilers….” nevermind just file a gag order on this critic or take her lap top away please.  Though Ender’s Game is based on a novel that many may have already have read by now, it should still remain a mystery for those who haven’t, and therein lies the problem with this mediocre review. This ill-penned plot outline drowns filmgoers’ expectations in exposition and revelation.  

If there were any twists in the film they were already unraveled somewhere within the paragraphs of Lucca’s outline (it lost its review status a long time ago). The page is almost weighed down and folds in upon itself due to the weight of the information spilled onto it.

Clearly this is an ironic piece of literature meant to parody the amateur reviews that the internet has become filled to the brim with. Surely a “professional” critic would no better than to spill a film’s biggest secrets in a tragically written review that most will hopefully not read. Perhaps that would be the best case scenario; film comment magazine should have plead the fifth in this case.    

Quality of Writing Quality of Argument Spoiler Avoidance Presentation