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Mark Kermode’s “Escape Plan Review” Is Predictable

In response to Mark Kermode’s 126‑word review of Escape Plan on Observer [UK] 

http://www.theguardian.com/film/2013/oct/20/escape-plan-schwarzenegger-stallone-review

By ,

Mark Kermode’s “Escape Plan – review“is straight up, with no chaser, clocking in at 126 tight and deadly words. It does comes with a trailer, so that’s some added value for an otherwise vapid review that, even at a penny a word, is not worth reading.

Most of the review is metaphor, allegory, compound words, and invented jargon. Double word score to any who use “functional thumper” in a sentence in the next day. Indeed, the functional thumper appears to be the machine which created this review.

Plot discussion? Minimal. Character analysis? Not one. Names of the two stars in the film? Only one of two. Disdain for the work of thespian 50 Cent? Vacant! 

The less said about what is lacking in this review, the better. Sure, there’s a pot shot at the director, and the final refrain of the film being “passable” is equally applied to the review. Art imitating life? If that was Kermode’s intent, bravo. Instead, there’s a much more realistic belief that this review was written five minutes before deadline under the influence of a thousand cups of coffee and Kermode’s own “functional thumper. “ 

Admit it. The greatest thing about this review is not the review, but the addition of “functional thumper” to the English lexicon.    

Quality of Writing Quality of Argument Spoiler Avoidance Presentation