Movies  •  Critics  •  About
Existimatum  >  Movies  >  Ender’s Game  >  Reviews  >  Cinema Signals

Jules Brenner’s “Ender’s Game” May Signal the End of Film Critique

In response to Jules Brenner’s 899‑word review of Ender’s Game on Cinema Signals

By ,

Jules Brenner’s review, “Ender’s Game” should come equipped with an air sickness bag. If the horrid visual presentation doesn’t induce immediate vomiting, the horrendous writing will.

Whatever high school (or, God forbid, college) where Brenner learned English and composition should be forcibly close today and turned into a Starbucks, where they write your name on the coffee cups with more coherence than you’ll find anywhere in this review.

When Brenner isn’t busy defecating on hundreds of years of literary tradition with incomplete sentences like, “The theme of young thinking against the old,” he’s making up words (emphasatic anyone?) or mashing them together in new and horrifying ways (boxoffice, truegrit).  

Aside from the issues with grammar, Brenner struggles to maintain a consistent tone and his criticism meanders so aimlessly, you’ll be hard pressed to make heads or tails of it. He also spends half the review rehashing the plot in an almost hilariously (if it weren’t so frustrating) incomprehensible way.

All of this linguistic awfulness is housed in a site whose visuals will make your retinas scream in agony. This is as offensively ugly as it gets. At all costs, it must be kept from the unfortunate eyes of web designers, lest they see it and opt for a quick and painless death to end their suffering.

In fact, it should be kept from everyone’s eyes.    

Quality of Writing Quality of Argument Spoiler Avoidance Presentation